Pippa Rose's birth

This is a "cut and paste" from another diary that I keep, but it will have to do for now!

I wrote this on 13th September 2006.......

Okay, where do I start? On 30th August (Damo's birthday!) my membranes ruptured (during a walk to the sandwich shop to get lunch!), it was only a slow leak but I knew the all too familiar feeling having experienced it three times before. I was only 26 weeks 2 days so did a little panic but knew that I would be heading to the RWH and be in the best care. So I rang Damien and he came and picked me up and we went straight to the hospital.

After having confirmed that my waters had indeed broken, it was hospital admission for me, steroids and antibiotics galore, and after eight days I started to experience tightenings - they actually only got to the point where I had to draw my breath in, but they were there all the same. On Thursday 7th September (after spending the previous two nights in the labour ward), I started to feel a bit "off" and my pulse had raced up to 125 bpm, and a CTG confirmed that bubs pulse was hovering at 180 bpm, which indicated an infection. I was also losing a lot of green mucuous, was off my food and urgent blood tests confirmed that I had indeed contracted an amniotic infection. So off to labour ward we went at 5pm. Luckily Damien was with me already so no need to ring him!

After being hooked up to the CTG machine and having a very painful internal examination - both speculum and manual - which made me cry, the doctor confirmed that I was 1cm dilated already - and would I be happy to go onto the drip to induce the labour. This scared the crap outta me, and Damien and I discussed this and decided that a c-section would be the way to go. Luckily the doctor and the consultant agreed with me - and from that point on it was just go go go!

Damien didn't want to come into theatre with me (I don't blame him - I didn't want to be there either!), so he paced in the waiting room on the 7th floor of the RWH. I was wheeled into theatre, given my epidural - all the while being my usual jovial self!!! There was about 15 people in the room - but all I cared about was whether the paediatric team was there or not - because I was about to have a 27 week 3 day old baby! The epidural made me shake, but I had a lovely midwife to hold my hand (thanks Emma-Louise!) whom I am eternally thankful for being there for me! Once the baby had been born it was taken over to the open incubator where four people were working on her - Emma kept coming over and at one stage said "I think it's a girl but I can't really see! - then she came back a few minutes later and said "yes it's a girl and she's got oxygen and she is pinking up nicely and making noise!!" That was the best news I had heard in my whole life!!! I started to cry (just like now when I write this), and after about 10 minutes they wheeled her past me with a brief stop for me to wave and say bye baby - all I could see of her was a little face with a white hat wrapped in bubble wrap.

I told them her name was Pippa - Damien and I had only decided on the name for a girl when I was in the labour ward - we knew she was going to be a pipsqueak so we thought the name was very fitting! So Pippa Rose was born at 7.31pm weighing 907gms.

Then came the fun part of them sewing me up - but I didn't care! I had a live breathing baby who was gorgeous!

Damien went up to the NICU with her and I went to recovery where I again had another lovely nurse Dani (thanks Dani!) to whom I couldn't stop chatting to - she said it was actually good that I was chatting as people are usually really quiet in recovery!! Me? Quiet? Never!!!

Damien then came down to recovery - and I swear he looked worse than I did!!! He said that our little girl was doing well - the paed doctor said she did all the work!

After that it is all a blur of going back to the ward, having horrible drugs that spaced me out and made me feel sick, not sleeping at all that night but having lovely night staff keeping an eye on me - and the next day getting up out of bed at about lunchtime to have a wonderful shower, then going up to see our new addition.

I thought I would cry when I first saw her - but I was just so happy to see her that I couldn't get the grin off my face! She was so so so so tiny, but oh so perfect and beautiful - words cannot describe how much she means to us already.

She is doing really well - we are on Day 6 and have had no major complications or problems (touch wood!), and she has even been breathing on her own! She is back on CPAP at the moment as she tires herself out, but I am trying to be positive and strong for her, which is hard sometimes.

I was discharged on Monday afternoon, which was good and bad at the same time - I loved that I could sleep in my own bed and cook my own food and sit on my own couch, but the enormous grief I felt at leaving her behind in the hospital was just awful. And then of course I had the 3 and 4 and 5 day blues, going through all the emotions of guilt, denial, positive thinking, negative thinking, stupid thoughts, sensible thoughts and just crying in general, which I am still experiencing.

One minute I am the positive, strongest mum in the world and the next minute I am so so sorry that I couldn't hold on to her inside me for any longer, and start blaming my body and the infection it produced. But I cannot blame anyone or anything for her being born so early - I am just so thankful that she is here and she is well and she is alive!

And that she is beautiful.

On another note - I would like to thank my wonderful friend Kelli, who supported me throughout all of this. I do believe it was fate that we were meant to meet in that hospital room! Love ya Kels!